The plight of the overthinker...

My brain is my greatest asset, sharpest weapon, and worst fucking enemy.

I haven’t posted anything in months. When I first started this blog, I set a goal to post something at least every 2 weeks. I even had a list of topics I wanted to rant and rave about. Clearly, I have missed that goal. By a lot.  

I do have all the usual excuses: I don’t have time, I don’t feel inspired, I’m too stressed… However, the biggest obstacle to reaching that goal is my brain. I think too much. Every time I decide I’m going to write something, I want it to be really good (at least in substance, because I’m not really a writer). I told myself my blog wouldn’t be just about fun and kittens, that it would have good ideas and thought-provoking words, that it would have the potential to turn into the kind of blog people share on social media and actually tell others about.

So I think about my posts long and hard, and then think about whether others will or won’t like them and why. I think about what readers will get out of my blog, and if I can’t think of what they are getting out of it, then I have to re-think the content of my posts.

Naturally, to come up with a better idea for a good post, I have to really think about and understand why my initial idea wasn’t any good. Eventually I *logically* arrive at the conclusion that maybe none of my ideas are any good, and maybe I should just give up, let real writers do the blogging.

Then I decide that I shouldn’t give up, so I start thinking about something else to write and start the over-thinking process all over again. So I’m back to square one. All because I thought others would think that my posts weren’t substantial enough. I completely shot myself down, doubted myself, and got sucked into another downward spiral of inactivity and, therefore, self-loathing. Because of something my brain told me MIGHT happen.

And I have realized that this tends to be what happens with almost everything I actually want to do with my spare time. I haven’t painted in months because I think about it too much. I think about why I want to paint that, why I want to use that technique, how I would explain it to someone, how I would incorporate it into an artist statement, how others would react to it, what others would think, etc etc etc. And thinking about all that makes me afraid that I won’t accomplish what I think I might want to accomplish. So instead I just don’t do it. I think myself into inactivity.

Same thing with illustration. I think that I want to do something fun and whimsical, or something editorial and satirical, maybe even write and illustrate a short comic or story. But then I start thinking: How are all these ideas going to fit into my style? Or, how am I even going to develop a style or an aesthetic if I have so many different, unrelated ideas? How is anyone going to take me seriously if I’m all over the map? Does it really matter that I don’t quite yet have a style? Do I need to focus on developing a style? Is it ok if I just go forth and create? What will fellow painters think of me when they see that I also do graphic design and illustration? What will designers think when they see that I also consider myself a painter? Can I make these two come together? How?

And the end result tends to be the same: no painting, no illustrating, no designing, no writing and no doing any of the things I KNOW make me happy because I THINK about them (and others’ reactions to them) too much.

I think about quitting my job so that I can focus my time and energy on being creative. I think that quitting my job will force me to use all that free time to create things and finally become self-employed doing what I love! But then I think about the risk of not succeeding and not finding another job to help pay the bills in the mean time. Then I go back to thinking about whether or not others will like what I create, and whether or not I’ll ever be self-employed. But then again, quitting my job is like burning your battleships upon reaching enemy shore. You either win, or you die; but you can’t retreat. And all that free time I’d have…

But will I use that time to create, or to think about creating?

I know I just need to start DOING more and thinking a little less. That’s why I am writing this and trying not to worry too much about its substance and whether or not someone else will like it. Maybe I can somehow train myself to think less.

I think.

Fuck!

Saving the world... one mindful step at a time.

When I think about things I would like to change about the world, I often find myself thinking about wastefulness… and what we can do to be less wasteful.

Think about how many zip-lock bags, plastic grocery bags, plastic produce bags, paper towels, food, plastic containers, aluminum foil, and sheets of paper end up in our landfills every day. Of course this is, to an extent, inevitable. But if we all were to take a few extra seconds each day to be more mindful of how we use and dispose of these products (i.e. what is recyclable, reusable, or compostable and what isn’t); and take a few extra minutes now and then to wash and reuse some of these things, we would DRAMATICALLY reduce the amount of waste we produce.  

Please take 4 minutes to watch this video (well, you can only watch half of it and you’ll get the gist of it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FMBSblpcrc. He makes a very important point: we only really need ONE paper towel to dry our hands in the restroom (shake off excess water, grab ONE paper towel, fold it in half, and dry your hands). Why are we grabbing piles or giant wads of paper towels when we only need one?

Sure, it’s repetitive and a bit dorky… But what we should really take away from this video is that we are wasteful, we use WAY MORE than what we need on a regular basis. We need to slow the eff down before we deplete our planet’s resources.

Our wastefulness doesn’t only apply to paper towels in the public restrooms:

How much food do we throw away because it began to rot in our fridge because we don’t eat our leftovers or because we didn’t make (and follow) meal plans? And, how much food do restaurants throw away because we order way more than we can eat and don’t bother bringing the leftovers home?

How much plastic wrap do we use when covering up a dish?

How much aluminum foil do we use when putting food away?

How many paper towels do we use to wipe down the kitchen counter?

How many napkins do we use at every meal every day?

How many plastic bags (grocery, produce, and zip-lock) do we just throw into the garbage without a second’s thought?

...Do you see where I am going with this?

Back to public restrooms. There are usually several paper towels on the floor right next to the garbage bin. We’re in such a rush that we don’t even have time to make sure the giant wad of half-used paper towels makes it from our still-damp hands INTO the trashcan on our way out the door.

We need to slow down. Let’s use the paper towel to actually dry our hands while we stand there (without being the jerk that blocks the dispenser for others), then mindfully toss it in the garbage can and make sure it doesn’t end up on the floor.

Slow down. Be mindful. Don’t be wasteful. Love our planet. These are things we must do for our sake and our descendants’ sake. I could rant and rave about all the ways in which humans are lazy, wasteful creatures… But instead of focusing on that, I would like to focus on what we can do about it. Changing our day-to-day habits requires effort and thought, yes. But it is entirely possible. And as with most new things, you get used to them. Not only will you begin doing them without thinking, you will feel good about it and find new ways to be less wasteful.

Here are just a few:

1) Food

• Plan meals ahead of time, and go grocery shopping with this plan in mind. It’ll reduce, if not completely eliminate, the amount of food that ends up going bad in your fridge.
• Take leftovers home after eating out (and actually eat them).
• Compost your food scraps. If you have a  yard waste bin, just toss ‘em in there. If you have your own garden, use food scraps as fertilizer. I know not everyone has a yard waste or compost bin, but try to find a viable alternative. Or just make sure you use as much as possible of a product (i.e. don’t throw out a half-eaten apple just because you don’t want it anymore; sprinkle it with lime juice and eat it later, or use it in a smoothie).
• Go for the manager’s specials, especially when it comes to meat. Depending on the store, you will find great meat at an awesome discount as it approaches its “sell by” date. If we don’t buy it, the store is forced to throw it out. If we buy it, it’s a win-win-win: you get a good deal, the store gets some money and doesn’t have to toss the food away, and there are fewer pounds of food going to the trash.

2) Plastic bags

• Zip-lock bags are totally reusable! If you put something dry in one, turn it inside-out, shake out the crumbs, and reuse! If it is wet or slightly gooey on the inside, turn it inside-out, wash with soap and water, let air dry and reuse. It’s easy. Seriously, it doesn’t take that long. A few text messages less, and a couple less minutes on facebook, and you’d be amazed at how many other things we can get done.
• Plastic grocery bags: use them as small garbage can liners. Also, lots of grocery stores have plastic bag recycling bins. Don’t just toss the bags in the trash after putting your groceries away, put them away and next time you go to the store, drop them off in the recycling bin.
• Produce bags: yep, you can recycle those too! And you can reuse them! If they’re wet, turn them inside-out and let them air-dry, then reuse them next time you go grocery shopping!
• Use canvas tote bags. Then you won’t have as many plastic bags to worry about.

3) Paper Towels

• Use cloth napkins instead of paper towels or napkins. Washable and reusable. Perfect.
• Use cloths, rags and sponges for cleaning instead of paper towels.

4) Plastic Containers - If the lid is decent, you just got yourself some new tupperware. I know we can’t just hold on to ALL the freaking plastic tubs we end up with, but we can reuse as many of them as possible. I’m sure a local school or preschool would appreciate some extra tubs for glue and paint for art classes :)

5) Recycle paper and cardboard.

Now I’m not saying we have to eliminate the use of paper products by 100%, but I am saying that we can greatly reduce that amount. We can’t reuse all our produce and zip-lock bags, but we can reuse a lot more than what we do now. We CAN be less wasteful, it just requires us deciding to be so.

This really is a plea.

THINK about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and whether or not it is actually the best thing you could do.

LOVE the planet you live on, it’s the only one we have.

BREATHE. Slow down, take the time to do the tiny little things that will make a difference.

"My best 10" - Part 2

I think I need to preface this post by acknowledging that it is part of (modern) human nature to be critical of oneself. I don’t fault anyone for it. However, it is still extremely important for us to step back and ask ourselves “what am I trying to accomplish?” Are we trying to get to that socially-constructed, photoshop-enhanced (totally imaginary) ideal? Or are we actually trying to be happy and healthy? We’re all going to have moments of insecurity, but we can’t let those few moments interfere with our lives.

In my previous post I ranted about “My best ten” and how they encourage us to exercise for all the wrong reasons. It is a bit more difficult for me to write about aging, but I can confidently say that we prioritize the wrong things in life. We focus way too much on how we think (or rather how we have been told to think) our bodies and faces should look. Who the hell ever said that looking our age was unattractive, unsexy, inappropriate or undesirable?  

Aging is a natural process, NO ONE will escape it. Sure, there are tons of things you can do to mitigate the effects of aging: take care of yourself inside and out, eat healthily, drink plenty of water, wash and moisturize your skin regularly, don’t smoke, use sunblock, get enough sleep, go to the spa, use face masks, etc. etc. etc. Also, let’s not forget the huge role genetics plays in how we age. If you do all the things I mentioned above and live a healthy lifestyle, then why fret when your skin starts to change and signs of aging start showing? Why do we worry about the inevitable? Why not focus on LIVING our lives and making great memories. After all, our experiences and our memories are what spur personal growth and make life worth living; they are how we meet people, establish relationships, make connections. Aren’t all those things more important than worrying about whether or not we have crow’s feet at 30?

On the subject of plastic surgery, Bill Burr, one of my favorite comedians, said something along the lines of: "People, there’s nothing wrong with being 52, and looking 52, alright?. You’re 52. What would you rather be? Fifty-two, and look 52, or be 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?” (the last 40 seconds of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pznB7WP4P1o )

And Sarah Silverman really struck a chord with me when she said: “... to so many women...  I just want to say, "Your heartbreaking attempts to look younger is the reason your daughter doesn't dream about her future!"

What's wrong with being 30, 40, 50 or 60 and looking your age? You can be  45 and look 30, but feel like shit and  constantly be on edge about your looks and wrinkles*. OR, you can be 45, look 45, laugh often, have fun often, build memories and experiences, take care of yourself, and go to bed happy knowing you are LIVING.

Let’s face it: this wonderful journey called “life” does have a final stop... And for those of us who make it into our 70s, 80s, 90s, and beyond: we’re going to look old. What would you rather do? Reminisce about how you lived your life, or mourn the smooth skin you used to have?

Corporations and businesses that sell all these beauty products and “services” have a vested interest in keeping us uncomfortable with and insecure about aging. We wouldn't even worry about our looks if it weren't for them in the first place! Seriously, who the hell told you you couldn't be beautiful at any age? As a child, did you ever think your grandparents were gross and ugly? Did you ever think your mom should really take care of those wrinkles, wear more makeup, or dye her hair more often?

As we grow up we are bombarded with all these magazine images and ads telling us that we are not good enough. That we are not slim enough. That our skin is not firm enough. That our hair isn’t shiny enough. That we will not be beautiful enough if we don't buy their products.

STOP IT!!!

Stop this madness! Why do we insist on torturing ourselves over superficial things? Why can't we focus more on building happy and fulfilling lives? As with working out, once you decide to take care of yourself and do what makes you truly happy, your obstacles won’t be as daunting and the things that used to bother you may become totally trivial and unimportant. Freeing yourself from these superficial notions opens up insane amounts of time and energy that will be better spent elsewhere, on the things that matter.

Take care of yourself. Love yourself. And free yourself from all the media bullshit.

Again: fuck "My best 10" (and every other industry/business) for preying on socially-constructed insecurities. Fuck them for telling us that we aren't beautiful if we don't look young and fit.

"My best 10" shouldn't be about being "10 pounds lighter" and "looking 10 years younger". My best ten should be about things that matter, things that remain with us, regardless of how young or old you are.

So, in the spirit of telling them to eff off, here’s MY best ten (in no particular order):

1) My favorite bottle of wine: Marques de Riscal

2) My proudest moment working out: Doing intense circuit-training with my fiance, then finishing off with some boxing drills. Then I took a short stretch break, and went for some more boxing until I collapsed from exhaustion, but damn did that feel good!

3) Best random Netflix discovery: “Lost in Translation”. We knew nothing about the movie, had read no reviews… just decided to watch it because Bill Murray kicks ass.

4) The best trip of my life: Spending two weeks roaming the countryside in Ireland. No schedule, no itinerary, just a map, GPS and thirst for adventure.

5) Best random adventure: Back in college, my roommate and I decided to get on a bus, get off wherever we felt like it, and find a good place to eat. I don’t remember where we ended up going, but doing something spontaneous, without a plan, was wonderful.

6)  The best hike/camping trip I’ve been on: My fiance and I celebrated our 5-year anniversary with a hike near Mt. Rainier, with overnight camping and breathtaking views of Rainier the next day.

7) Best way to spend a Saturday morning: out on a walk, with a hot cup of coffee (or iced in the summer).

8) Best birthday gift: getting a phone call from my family in El Salvador, and having my cousin’s little girls say “Happy birthday, Tía!” and tell me about what Santa brought them. Biggest. Smile. Ever.

9) My favorite night-time moisturizer: Olive oil or coconut oil (in case you’re curious, my favorite daily moisturizer is any non-greasy SPF 15 lotion for under $10).

10) My greatest success: Sticking to studying art even though tons of people told me that I should study science or math instead.

… the list could go on and on. It really isn’t about quantifying the “top ten” anything, that’s just stupid. It’s about appreciating what you have, finding joy in the things that matter, creating memories with the people you love and, ultimately, proudly giving anyone who makes you feel insecure the middle finger.

*Of course, I’m not saying that all people who look younger than their age feel like shit and are obsessed about their looks. I’m referring to those who obsess with cosmetics, surgeries, and all sorts of artificial methods to make themselves look younger.

“My Best 10”

This began as a facebook rant a while back and I decided I wanted to elaborate on it a little bit.

I was driving to work when I heard one of the most irritating ads I have heard in a while: “Come to my Best 10 in Bellevue! For women who want to be ten pounds lighter and look ten  years younger!”

There are so many things wrong with that statement that I’m having a hard time keeping my thoughts organized. I'm all about taking care of yourself, inside and out. And yes, this includes a healthy diet, exercising regularly, drinking lots of water, moisturizing, using sun block, not smoking, and the more-than-occasional alcoholic drink and indulgences in greasy, fatty food. I have absolutely NOTHING against gyms, spas and programs that offer facilities, services and programs for us to exercise, pamper ourselves and feel better about ourselves. I even briefly looked at “My Best 10’s” website, and it seems they have a pretty decent program that includes exercises, nutrition and spa treatments-- not bad!

I still, however, have a HUGE problem with them selling their services by basically saying that younger, lighter, and smaller are better. You know what? Go fuck yourselves.

Not all women are built equally. Women don’t become more beautiful when they lose weight or look younger. Women are beautiful, regardless of their shape or size. What makes them “more beautiful”? Being and feeling healthy. Confidence. Positivity. Self-love and self-respect. Being happy. Not simply “looking fit.”

Being physically healthy and fit is about infinitely more than losing weight. It’s about improving your blood flow, it’s about taking care of your heart, it’s about breathing, it’s about releasing endorphins, it’s about having a laugh at a zumba class, it’s about relaxing at yoga, it’s about encouraging others who are struggling in your free weights class, it’s about feeling the burn during kick-boxing classes, it’s about going on a hike, it’s about jogging outside... It’s about feeling alive. Your mind and your body are connected. You are in control of how far you push yourself. You are taking care of yourself. You are loving yourself. And you should enjoy it. Once you approach exercise as something you enjoy, two things will happen. First, you’ll notice you are having an easier time reaching your goals. Second, you might find that you are happier with yourself. Maybe then those extra 5 or 15 pounds won’t bug you. After all, weight is just a number.

You want to fit in a smaller dress size? You want to go back to the pant size you wore 4 or 10 years ago? By all means: go ahead and exercise or diet to achieve your goal. But do it because you WANT to, because it’ll make YOU feel healthier, and NOT because you think others will deem you more beautiful. Trust me, once you decide to exercise or diet for yourself, because YOU want to, because you will feel better and healthier, then all your excuses will magically disappear. You will find the time. You will make the time. You will succeed.  

So yeah, you wanna join “My Best 10”? Do it, but do it for the right reasons.

… but I still think they’re a bunch of douchebags for making beauty about weight and age*.

*I will be tackling the age issue in a future post

Welcome to Think. Love. Breathe.

This is a blog about life

...and not sucking at it.

No, this isn't a blog solely dedicated to complaining. There will be some ranting and raving, but mostly I will be sharing thoughts and ideas that I honestly believe can improve our lives and create a better world. At the core of all my suggestions on self-growth and improvement, you will find these three actions: Thinking, Loving, and Breathing. 


THINK
Stimulate your mind: learn something new, teach yourself something, read a book, keep a journal, take a class, go to a library, watch a documentary. Challenge yourself. Step outside of your comfort zone. Exercise your brain. (And NO, reading about stupid Kim Kardashian, or any other imbecilic celebrity, does NOT count).

Look within yourself, pay attention to how your words and actions affect others, both directly and indirectly. Put the fucking smartphone away, pay more attention, be more self-aware and be more considerate of others and your surroundings.

If we all spent more time THINKING (and less time texting) about our lives and our actions, we would live in a very different world.


LOVE
Practice love in all its forms. Be kind and polite to others, say "good morning/afternoon/evening", smile to strangers, donate your time and money, be selfless, be gentle to all life forms. Tell your family, friends and significant other that you love them often- they won't get tired of hearing it; and be appreciative of others who love you and show you kindness. Stop being a wasteful, consummerist tool, and spend more time loving the planet you live on. Be thankful. Be optimistic. Be patient. LOVE.


BREATHE
Look away from your computer. Put the phone down. Log out of Facebook. Rise above all the keyboard warriors and internet trolls fanning the flames of a pointless, stupid Twitter war. Actually step away from your desk during your break or lunch time. Go for a walk, however short it is, and take some deep breaths. Experience the world around you. 

Cut back on the news. Meditate. Turn off the lights and light a candle. Enjoy silence. Spend time with real people. Slow down, relax, disconnect. BREATHE.


Think. Love. Breathe.