The plight of the overthinker...

My brain is my greatest asset, sharpest weapon, and worst fucking enemy.

I haven’t posted anything in months. When I first started this blog, I set a goal to post something at least every 2 weeks. I even had a list of topics I wanted to rant and rave about. Clearly, I have missed that goal. By a lot.  

I do have all the usual excuses: I don’t have time, I don’t feel inspired, I’m too stressed… However, the biggest obstacle to reaching that goal is my brain. I think too much. Every time I decide I’m going to write something, I want it to be really good (at least in substance, because I’m not really a writer). I told myself my blog wouldn’t be just about fun and kittens, that it would have good ideas and thought-provoking words, that it would have the potential to turn into the kind of blog people share on social media and actually tell others about.

So I think about my posts long and hard, and then think about whether others will or won’t like them and why. I think about what readers will get out of my blog, and if I can’t think of what they are getting out of it, then I have to re-think the content of my posts.

Naturally, to come up with a better idea for a good post, I have to really think about and understand why my initial idea wasn’t any good. Eventually I *logically* arrive at the conclusion that maybe none of my ideas are any good, and maybe I should just give up, let real writers do the blogging.

Then I decide that I shouldn’t give up, so I start thinking about something else to write and start the over-thinking process all over again. So I’m back to square one. All because I thought others would think that my posts weren’t substantial enough. I completely shot myself down, doubted myself, and got sucked into another downward spiral of inactivity and, therefore, self-loathing. Because of something my brain told me MIGHT happen.

And I have realized that this tends to be what happens with almost everything I actually want to do with my spare time. I haven’t painted in months because I think about it too much. I think about why I want to paint that, why I want to use that technique, how I would explain it to someone, how I would incorporate it into an artist statement, how others would react to it, what others would think, etc etc etc. And thinking about all that makes me afraid that I won’t accomplish what I think I might want to accomplish. So instead I just don’t do it. I think myself into inactivity.

Same thing with illustration. I think that I want to do something fun and whimsical, or something editorial and satirical, maybe even write and illustrate a short comic or story. But then I start thinking: How are all these ideas going to fit into my style? Or, how am I even going to develop a style or an aesthetic if I have so many different, unrelated ideas? How is anyone going to take me seriously if I’m all over the map? Does it really matter that I don’t quite yet have a style? Do I need to focus on developing a style? Is it ok if I just go forth and create? What will fellow painters think of me when they see that I also do graphic design and illustration? What will designers think when they see that I also consider myself a painter? Can I make these two come together? How?

And the end result tends to be the same: no painting, no illustrating, no designing, no writing and no doing any of the things I KNOW make me happy because I THINK about them (and others’ reactions to them) too much.

I think about quitting my job so that I can focus my time and energy on being creative. I think that quitting my job will force me to use all that free time to create things and finally become self-employed doing what I love! But then I think about the risk of not succeeding and not finding another job to help pay the bills in the mean time. Then I go back to thinking about whether or not others will like what I create, and whether or not I’ll ever be self-employed. But then again, quitting my job is like burning your battleships upon reaching enemy shore. You either win, or you die; but you can’t retreat. And all that free time I’d have…

But will I use that time to create, or to think about creating?

I know I just need to start DOING more and thinking a little less. That’s why I am writing this and trying not to worry too much about its substance and whether or not someone else will like it. Maybe I can somehow train myself to think less.

I think.

Fuck!

Saving the world... one mindful step at a time.

When I think about things I would like to change about the world, I often find myself thinking about wastefulness… and what we can do to be less wasteful.

Think about how many zip-lock bags, plastic grocery bags, plastic produce bags, paper towels, food, plastic containers, aluminum foil, and sheets of paper end up in our landfills every day. Of course this is, to an extent, inevitable. But if we all were to take a few extra seconds each day to be more mindful of how we use and dispose of these products (i.e. what is recyclable, reusable, or compostable and what isn’t); and take a few extra minutes now and then to wash and reuse some of these things, we would DRAMATICALLY reduce the amount of waste we produce.  

Please take 4 minutes to watch this video (well, you can only watch half of it and you’ll get the gist of it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FMBSblpcrc. He makes a very important point: we only really need ONE paper towel to dry our hands in the restroom (shake off excess water, grab ONE paper towel, fold it in half, and dry your hands). Why are we grabbing piles or giant wads of paper towels when we only need one?

Sure, it’s repetitive and a bit dorky… But what we should really take away from this video is that we are wasteful, we use WAY MORE than what we need on a regular basis. We need to slow the eff down before we deplete our planet’s resources.

Our wastefulness doesn’t only apply to paper towels in the public restrooms:

How much food do we throw away because it began to rot in our fridge because we don’t eat our leftovers or because we didn’t make (and follow) meal plans? And, how much food do restaurants throw away because we order way more than we can eat and don’t bother bringing the leftovers home?

How much plastic wrap do we use when covering up a dish?

How much aluminum foil do we use when putting food away?

How many paper towels do we use to wipe down the kitchen counter?

How many napkins do we use at every meal every day?

How many plastic bags (grocery, produce, and zip-lock) do we just throw into the garbage without a second’s thought?

...Do you see where I am going with this?

Back to public restrooms. There are usually several paper towels on the floor right next to the garbage bin. We’re in such a rush that we don’t even have time to make sure the giant wad of half-used paper towels makes it from our still-damp hands INTO the trashcan on our way out the door.

We need to slow down. Let’s use the paper towel to actually dry our hands while we stand there (without being the jerk that blocks the dispenser for others), then mindfully toss it in the garbage can and make sure it doesn’t end up on the floor.

Slow down. Be mindful. Don’t be wasteful. Love our planet. These are things we must do for our sake and our descendants’ sake. I could rant and rave about all the ways in which humans are lazy, wasteful creatures… But instead of focusing on that, I would like to focus on what we can do about it. Changing our day-to-day habits requires effort and thought, yes. But it is entirely possible. And as with most new things, you get used to them. Not only will you begin doing them without thinking, you will feel good about it and find new ways to be less wasteful.

Here are just a few:

1) Food

• Plan meals ahead of time, and go grocery shopping with this plan in mind. It’ll reduce, if not completely eliminate, the amount of food that ends up going bad in your fridge.
• Take leftovers home after eating out (and actually eat them).
• Compost your food scraps. If you have a  yard waste bin, just toss ‘em in there. If you have your own garden, use food scraps as fertilizer. I know not everyone has a yard waste or compost bin, but try to find a viable alternative. Or just make sure you use as much as possible of a product (i.e. don’t throw out a half-eaten apple just because you don’t want it anymore; sprinkle it with lime juice and eat it later, or use it in a smoothie).
• Go for the manager’s specials, especially when it comes to meat. Depending on the store, you will find great meat at an awesome discount as it approaches its “sell by” date. If we don’t buy it, the store is forced to throw it out. If we buy it, it’s a win-win-win: you get a good deal, the store gets some money and doesn’t have to toss the food away, and there are fewer pounds of food going to the trash.

2) Plastic bags

• Zip-lock bags are totally reusable! If you put something dry in one, turn it inside-out, shake out the crumbs, and reuse! If it is wet or slightly gooey on the inside, turn it inside-out, wash with soap and water, let air dry and reuse. It’s easy. Seriously, it doesn’t take that long. A few text messages less, and a couple less minutes on facebook, and you’d be amazed at how many other things we can get done.
• Plastic grocery bags: use them as small garbage can liners. Also, lots of grocery stores have plastic bag recycling bins. Don’t just toss the bags in the trash after putting your groceries away, put them away and next time you go to the store, drop them off in the recycling bin.
• Produce bags: yep, you can recycle those too! And you can reuse them! If they’re wet, turn them inside-out and let them air-dry, then reuse them next time you go grocery shopping!
• Use canvas tote bags. Then you won’t have as many plastic bags to worry about.

3) Paper Towels

• Use cloth napkins instead of paper towels or napkins. Washable and reusable. Perfect.
• Use cloths, rags and sponges for cleaning instead of paper towels.

4) Plastic Containers - If the lid is decent, you just got yourself some new tupperware. I know we can’t just hold on to ALL the freaking plastic tubs we end up with, but we can reuse as many of them as possible. I’m sure a local school or preschool would appreciate some extra tubs for glue and paint for art classes :)

5) Recycle paper and cardboard.

Now I’m not saying we have to eliminate the use of paper products by 100%, but I am saying that we can greatly reduce that amount. We can’t reuse all our produce and zip-lock bags, but we can reuse a lot more than what we do now. We CAN be less wasteful, it just requires us deciding to be so.

This really is a plea.

THINK about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and whether or not it is actually the best thing you could do.

LOVE the planet you live on, it’s the only one we have.

BREATHE. Slow down, take the time to do the tiny little things that will make a difference.